So I've decided click-baity titles are the way I'm going to get you to read my blog. I've even added a photo where I look too smug for my own good. Welcome aboard!
It's not only an attempt at clickbait though - it's pretty much true.
(In the interests of balance, I've also been told I'm too cheap - although that may be more to do with my moral fibre than anything else! Guess what? I don't really care about that either.)
I have a fee I've decided is appropriate for the time and effort required to prepare and deliver the best ceremony I can for my clients, so that's what I charge.
I've got no interest in getting into a slanging match with clients, other celebrants or clients about other celebrants and what they charge.
Can you guess why?
I don't care.
And if we're being completely honest, neither should you.
*** Strap-in for some massive sweeping generalisations about potential clients. ***
There are (generally speaking) 3 types of clients.
* The couple who know the who/what/why/when and where.
They've done their research, with plenty of time to spare until the big day. They make arrangements early, they book early. They're creating the day they want. It might be them, 2 witnesses, a dog and a beach. It might be City Hall with a marching band and a 5 course meal. They have a vision. They plan for it. They budget for it. And they pay what they think is appropriate to make that happen.
* The Last-minuters!
And there's nothing wrong with last minute planning. Much to my very organised wife's dismay, I work best to a deadline. Like, right up to a deadline.
The trouble with this type of wedding planning is obvious. Your options are limited, in both choice of vendor and price.
* And lastly, The Email Bombers.
They've discovered a list of celebrants and they email bomb them all with "Hi - how much?" And as a general rule, they'll take the lowest price that bounces back to them and that's that.
And if you think that you might fall into that last category, then the blog title might apply to you.
I know I sound like a prick, so indulge me a moment as I try and dig up.
There are a multitude of reasons you might be getting married on a budget, I totally get that. And the vast majority of those reasons are so totally legit, I'll apologise if I've offended you ***
BUT - and here's the sting in the tail - if you're email bombing celebrants and taking the lowest price for no other reason than you don't think a celebrant is worth the money, then I don't care if you think I'm too expensive.
If you're willing to pay thousands of dollars on a venue, but want to haggle over a few hundred bucks for a celebrant, I don't care if you think I'm too expensive.
If you can't see the difference a great celebrant will make in your big day, I don't care if you think I'm too expensive.
Here's the bit where I'm going to sell you the role of the celebrant - if you already know, you can stop reading now.
The most important reason - without a celebrant, you're not getting married.
A good celebrant should write a ceremony that's tailored to you. It should literally, be all about you.
A good celebrant, through the course of a ceremony will get you and your guests laughing and crying, hollering and cheering. Personally I prefer more laughing than crying, but you never can tell!
A good celebrant will have you and your guests (if there are any) walking away, smiling your arses off, pumped up for the rest of your celebration. They set the tone for the rest of your day, dare I say, the rest of your life!
A wedding ceremony is your chance to tell the world, "THIS IS THE PERSON I LOVE! I'M GOING TO SAY ALL THE THINGS! I WANT THE CELEBRANT TO SAY ALL THE THINGS! I LOVE THIS PERSON!"
Basically if you think that the ceremony is a chore to be endured to get to the booze and food, (you probably stopped reading a while ago) in my opinion, you probably need to re-evaluate why you're even getting married.
But yeah, probably don't bother emailing me either.
*** (Side note: if there's some really funky stuff - and not in a good way - going on in your life and there's a reason you're cutting costs and maybe getting married in a hurry, and you find a celebrant or wedding vendor you really love, give them a holler and let them know what's up. I know a lot of them are pretty good humans and love to help out a good cause when they can)